Requests ........... Animal Encyclopaedias ............ Music ............ Candledragon ........

Homegrown Goodness is a collection of infantile drawings and reflections on the human condition by John Shanks who lives in Bradford, West Yorkshire, UK with his ex-girlfriend's cat (Delilah Chardonnay Shanks). You may also use this site to as a gallery for your own drawings and ideas, particularly if you happen to less than gifted as an artist. Homegrown goodness is a site for people who might think to themselves "Heavens! I have a great idea for a picture or a drawing or a painting or a cartoon but I simply don't have the time or talent or inclination to draw it myself. I wonder if I could find an artist or a cartoonist or an illustrator like John Shanks to draw it for me! Yes, it's true I have an ARTISTIC IDEA or some INSPIRATION and I want someone to DRAW or PAINT it for me for FREE!" Well, I will paint or draw any idea or inspiration you care to submit and it's totally free. I prefer ideas to be funny or stupid or pornographic or involve celebrities or dreams or acts of violence to the disabled or any other socially disenfranchised group. Homegrown Goodness is also the only online dating service that offers totally free membership and prides itself on its exclusivity and high-quality clientele. Yes, that's right- free online dating for all. Anyway, as I was saying, Homegrown Goodness is a gallery of drawings by John Shanks who is not an artist or a painter or an illustrator who does illustrations or art. In fact he hates art and works as a curator's assistant in a real gallery in order to confirm his own hatred of all art and artists.
Can't Draw Don't Care
Carefully handmade
in the UK



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"Poorly produced, puerile and purely drivel"
~Artscene


VISITORS' REQUESTS

 Do you have a fabulous idea for a drawing you'd like to me to tackle? Take a look at the glittering gallery and use the online form to submit your own wildly unimaginative demands - just like everyone else.



ANIMAL ENCYCLOPAEDIAS

 Treat yourself to the complete illustrated series online and treat the animal-lover in your life to an education they will never forget with these handy bin-sized books.



WINDOWS PAINT PORTRAIT COMPETITION

 Can you create a convincing self-portrait using only the tools afforded by Windows Paint? Check out the entries in the world's most esteemed Windows Paint Portrait contest and submit your own work for public derision today.



MULTI-PLAYER INTERACTIVE DRAWING GAMES

 Dare you take up the gauntlet thrown down by the world's most maddeningly addictive participant drawing sport of the 21st Century? Huh? Punk?



MUSIC

 Since 1999 Homegrown Goodness Records has been a major player in the Thornbury music scene. Few labels in the BD3 postal district can even hope to compete with the eclecticism of our artists.



COLLINS COMPENDIUM

 The Times Literary Supplement recently referred to Wendy Collins as "The wealth of literary riches taunting the creatively-impecunious beggers of the Modern Novel." Collected here for your delectation are her complete works in all their stunningly illustrated glory.



THE CANDLE DRAGON

 Former somebody Vic Allen (who was once on Newsnight talking about ecology and EVERYTHING) is writing what he calls "a psychosexual analysis of late-onset capitalism for children" and I've been seduced into drawing the pictures for it.



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Homegrown Goodness is a collection of infantile drawings and reflections on the human condition by John Shanks who lives in Bradford, West Yorkshire, UK with his ex-girlfriend's cat (Delilah Chardonnay Shanks). You may also use this site to as a gallery for your own drawings and ideas, particularly if you happen to less than gifted as an artist. Homegrown Goodness is also the only online dating service that offers totally free membership and prides itself on its exclusivity and high-quality clientele. Yes, that's right- free online dating for all. Anyway, as I was saying, Homegrown Goodness is a gallery of drawings by John Shanks and includes, among other delights... The Encyclopaedia of Dogs Convicted dog breeder J. Ammydodger has spent the past half an hour watching the end of Crufts on the telly to bring you this incredible book full of amazing canine facts and STUNNING COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS. A must for all dog lovers. "I thought I knew all there was to know about dogs, but J. Ammydodger has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago The spots on opposite sides of a dalmation always add up to seven. The Encyclopaedia of Cats Author, wrestler and acclaimed hula-hoop enthusiast Bananasan D. C. Ustard has spent most of Wednesday lunchtime researching the fascinating world of cats to bring you this incredible book full of amazing cat facts and STUNNING COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS. A must for all cat lovers. "I thought I knew all there was to know about cats, but Bananasan D. C. Ustard has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago Girl cats apply Calvin Klein's "Odour of Sardine" every morning to attract dishy boy cats. The Encyclopaedia of Birds Ornithologist to the stars Rhubar B.C. Rumble has pooled his vast knowledge of birds in this one handy reference guide which boasts eleven, yes ELEVEN pages of amazing bird facts and STUNNING COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS. A must for bird lovers of all ages. "I thought I knew all there was to know about birds, but Rhubar B.C. Rumble has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago Penguins are excellent hunters. They hover above the ground using their tail as a "rudder" before swooping down on unsuspecting prey (eg octopuses, zebras and nuns.) The Encyclopaedia of British Animals Author, broadcaster and acclaimed naturist Steakan D.K. Idneypie has spent some of Tuesday afternoon researching the fascinating world of British animals to bring you this incredible book packed with amazing facts and STUNNING COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS. A must for animal lovers of all ages. Everywhere. "I thought I knew all there was to know about British animals, but Steakan D.K. Idneypie has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago When a worm is threatened by a predator (eg a brontasaurus) she will fan out her tail which is patterned with large "eyes" thereby confusing and unnerving the enemy. The Encyclopaedia of Elephants In a recent survey conducted by the author to discover Osmondthorpe's favourite "tusked pachyderm with a trunk" the elephant stormed into first place. Now Bangersan D.M. Ash has pooled his vast knowledge of this magnificent creature into one incredible book packed with amazing facts and STUNNING COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS- A must for elephant lovers of all ages. "I thought I knew all there was to know about elephants, but Bangersan D.M. Ash has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago Elephants' trunks are magnetic and always point due North. The Encyclopaedia of Foxes Authors B. Acons and W. Ich have spent the past twenty minutes researching the fascinating world of foxes to bring you this incredible book packed with amazing facts and STUNNING COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS. A must for fox lovers everywhere. "I thought I knew all there was to know about foxes, but B. Acons and W. Ich has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago Foxes, like horses and spiders, are burrowing animals and spend much of their adult lives up to eight miles underground. The Encyclopaedia of Giraffes Pickledo N. Ions' giraffe obsession began almost ten minutes ago and has led to his life-affirming decision to make a pilgrimage to the Kenyan Plains, although he might go and see his sister instead if she's not too busy. "I thought I knew all there was to know about giraffes, but Pickledo N. Ions has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago The male giraffe often buries his head in the sand to stop his mind wandering. The Encyclopaedia of Sea Creatures The Encyclopaedia of Sea Creatures is an indispensable companion for marine enthusiasts of all genders; from those who gaze mindlessly at the aquarium in the dentist's waiting room, to people who use a snorkel in the bath and pretend to be in the SAS. "I thought I knew all there was to know about sea creatures, but Breadan D.B. Utterpudding has certainly opened my eyes." ~Mrs. Vera Crago As she grows, the hermit crab must attend pub karaoke nights to encourage her to come out of her shell.